For this week and next week’s posts we’ll focus on date night, these are neither a new or a revolutionary concept, but they are mighty important for a great relationship. Let’s look first at what a definition of “date night” might be…
Date night is a scheduled ‘date’ with your partner where you both spend time together, just the two of you, relaxing and stopping, with no external interruptions so that you can spend quality time with each other to re-connect.
So why is having a regular date night such a good idea? Well… done right a well planned and executed date night will…
- At the very least get you closer and more connected to your partner.
- Give you both a great weekly ritual to get into, and rituals are really good for your relationship.
- It keeps your relationship in a really great place by keeping you dating. Now, if we can just equate a male – female long term relationship to the process of fly-fishing for a moment!... Whilst you can just ‘hook’ your partner in with your first dates and a marriage proposal and leave it at that it’s going to be hard to maintain a relationship that’s got ‘zing’ to it unless you keep on doing that ‘hooking and reeling process’ to bring her back in to you! If that makes no sense to you whatsoever then let’s put it this way – you’ve got to keep on making an effort in your relationship – you can’t just make the assumption that once you’ve ‘hooked’ your partner that she’s going to stick around and be happy with you forever just because you both got married! You’ve got to keep on putting that effort into your relationship, and a regular date night is one great way to put that effort in.
- A key aim of date night is to get your partner relaxed, and once your partner starts to relax she should, in theory, start to become putty in your hands...
- If you spend too long sloping and slouching about the same house doing the same thing with your partner every day and every night the entire time then your interest in each other will quite potentially wane.
Let’s take a quick look at how the next couple of weeks’ worth of blog posts on this subject will work…
Today we start by looking at some helpful stuff on how you can best prepare for your date night and we’ll finish off todays post with how to make sure your house is in a good place (I don’t mean physical location! I mean it’s in a great tidy place!).
Tomorrow we’ll take a look at food for your date night, a super important, romantic, seductive part of your date night if you are ‘eating in’.
We continue with the food theme, concentrating on this post on sensuous food and drink.
On Thursday we’ll look at how to prepare for date night. This sounds weird and rather odd I know, but by prepare I mean things like making sure that your partner is in a great, relaxed, romanced place in preparation for a really great date night.
And to round off the week we get to some brilliant little date night ideas.
To start week 2 we’ll look at some date night rules. Sounds serious, yes, but its more about making sure that you both stick to some ground rules so that you can both fully enjoy and concentrate on making sure that you’ll have a great date night, stuff like switching off your Blackberry will be covered here.
On Tuesday of next week we’ll get to some date night conversation ideas, there’s no point in doing all of that preparation if your conversation falls flat on its face, so in this post we’ll look at some conversation ideas and questions to make sure that you are both connecting well through conversation. If you’ve ever found yourself not knowing quite what to say to your partner next then you’ll love this post.
Wednesday & Thursday
On Wednesday and Thursday we look at some ideas for date nights out, followed by looking at some going out date night tips to help you get the best out of each date night.
Date night feedback! Yep, that’s what we said - post-date night feedback! In the final post on this topic we’ll cover some thoughts around discussing how you can make sure that date night keeps getting even better with your partner!
Enough about what we are going to do… let’s get going with the good stuff…
Preparing for date nights in:
So let’s look at some tips on preparing for a perfect date night in, because there are some things you’ve really got to do to ensure that your partner can relax at home.
We’ll split the preparing for date nights in section into 5 separate bits, which will run over the course of the next few blog posts, and starting with “house”!…
Your house to be exact! Let’s look at how you can prepare your date location to ensure minimum distraction for your partner from the normal trappings of home, kids, their toys, etc…
- You can help your partner to relax by keeping your house tidy generally, but especially leading up to date night. Then on date night itself you can do even more to make certain that there as few a distractions as possible for your partner. Why is this important? Because if there is loads of clutter around from your normal everyday lives together then this will only remind her of what should be going onto that to do list in her head “oh look there’s some more children’s toys, I must put those away, oh dear and the washing up needs to be done, oh yep, I can hear the washing on its spin cycle, that’s just reminded me of how much washing there is still left to do this week”, etc. etc. Not good to help your partner relax.
- If you can’t go out (some ideas for going out date nights in next weeks posts though), then you can still turn your home into a gorgeous five star restaurant and country retreat…
- At your dinner date table apply a plain white tablecloth, if you haven’t got one then go buy one, surprise your partner, do remember to take the measurements of your table before you go shopping though.
- Prepare a handwritten menu of the dishes you’ve chosen to cook for your partner. It will show her that you’ve made that extra bit of effort and that you’ve made that extra bit of effort to make it look as though you’ve taken her out for the night.
- Have some water in a nice jug or in a bottle on the table.
- Set candles on the table, and maybe also throughout the room that you are sitting in. Candles can be very romantic and are definitely your best friend so go and buy a load!
- Make your bedroom a place for romance; tidy up, pickup your pants, open the window for a bit to let some fresh air in, clear your bedside table of your FHM magazines, change the bed sheets, a nice smelling bed to leap into will really help matters, change them yourself and perhaps you could even wash them yourself too.
- Put the cushions straight in your bedroom and lounge, sweep or hoover floors in the rooms where your date will be taking place.
- When you are ready to go to bed set candles throughout your room – do go careful though - don’t light them till you get in there and you can supervise them!
- And if you remember nothing else then apply the general rule of making everywhere look calm, tidy, grown up and relaxed – and you’ll be in the right place for a great date night in.
- Appeal to your partners sense of smell:
- Go buy an oil burner or some incense and make your date room smell lovely. Go buy essential oils such as cinnamon, musk, jasmine, patchouli, rose, sandalwood and vanilla - these, apparently, stimulate the release of neurochemicals which trigger sexual response in your partner. Not convinced? Go on, if nothing else it’s worth a try isn’t it?
- If you can’t afford a burner then try putting a drop or two of aromatherapy oil on a light bulb or perhaps put some drops into a bath that you’ve run for her. Scented candles can also be a cheaper alternative to a burner and all those expensive essential oils.
- If your partners been asking you to get stuff done in your bedroom for the past two years, such as hanging some pictures on the wall, then go get on with it.
- Turn the volume down, or better still switch it off altogether, on your answerphone and your bedroom phone. It can pretty much immediately shatter the mood if either your mother or her mother calls and leaves a long and rambling message on your loud answerphone!
- If you’ve still got children living at home – then make sure that as much as possible you aren’t going to get disturbed during your date night. Getting them into bed at a reasonable hour or making sure that they know that its ‘Mummy and Daddy’ time for example.
- Help your partner relax and get her into the mood by appealing to her hearing sense; have music on in the background whilst on your date and it will absolutely get things going in the right direction. Do remember to choose something that you are both going to enjoy however, don’t choose something that’s going to totally put your partner off. Ideally go for music that doesn’t have words, as this helps the brain to switch off from the outside world…
- Beethoven’s 5th
- Mozart's Clarinet Concerto
- Kenny Rankin
- Maybe you both have a favourite song, or an album that has emotional associations with it? One that could invoke memories from when you were first together, a particular song that you both liked for example. Ask your partner what music she likes and have her preferences at the ready on your CD or MP3 player.
- Artists such as Barry White or Marvin Gaye, especially his track “Sexual Healing”, have tracks that are quite suggestive though, so it’s best to put these on at the right time (ie later on in your date when things look a little bit more likely to go in the direction you might like them to go in).
- Some more music ideas…
- Keep the volume on the music quite low, you really don’t want to have to shout to your partner to be heard!
- Music with slow beats or rhythms are best for relaxation purposes.
- You could choose some music with your partner as part of your date, or perhaps if you were out shopping with her earlier in the day you could browse and buy music together. Or if you can’t go out to browse the music shops browse iTunes and download the music instead. Sites like Amazon MP3 also have samples of tracks on there to listen to.
- All of this sensory “stuff” let’s your partner know that her work day, or indeed her day with the children, has ended, and it will really, really help her get into the right place for romance with you.